Flying With a Falcon

Hi Folks,

It’s been a while since I blogged. Did you notice? If so, then sorry. If not, then WTF or is it FTW? Anyway, I have been as busy as a hooker on a Navy base, so I only have time for a quickie. I was just thinking of something that you all have probably had thoughts about every once in a while – your first car. My first car was a 1963 (I think) Ford Falcon Futura. It was actually my Ma’s car. She bought it used and drove it for several years until she got another one. Then, I think she let my brother use it, but when he left home, I got to buy it from her for $100! My Ma believed that kids should work for their toys, so I got a job at a grocery store when I was 14, and then bought the car shortly thereafter when I turned 15. This was one cool car. I think I was able to make the tires squeal exactly two times as I “burned rubber”. On the second time, I got a flat tire. This did not impress the chicks.

The fastest I ever drove my car was 92 mph going down a steep hill with a wind to my back. I wanted to break 100 so badly that I made my friends roll up the windows to reduce the wind resistance. I’ll never forget how the steering column started shaking up and down when we hit about 60 mph. My friends were kind of scared. Unfortunately, it was not meant to be….We only made it to 92 mph. I sure liked that car though. It was a nice beige color with a tan interior, at least in those places that still had an interior. The upholstery on the driver side was a bit worn and had some holes in it, but I didn’t care. My ass covered them up anyway, so, in theory, it was still possible to look cool. My friend Corky had a light blue Rambler that he inherited from his folks after they drove it into oblivion. It was a fine ride for a 15 year old too, but it was light blue for god sakes. How are you going to impress chicks driving around in Little Boy Blue’s car? It was also a station wagon. Need I say more? My Falcon, on the other hand, was a lovemobile. Well, not exactly, but at least I knew it had the potential to be a lovemobile under the right circumstances.

Corky’s car and my car were both much better than some of the others that kids in my blue collar neighborhood drove. We knew this guy Chuck who lived down the street. Chuck had this old car dry rotting in his backyard for a while. His parents had thought about just pushing it into the empty swimming pool in their yard, but never had the motivation to expend the effort. So one day after school, Chuck got the keys to this tank and we went out joy riding. We were all surprised that it even cranked. Not long after we started cruising, Chuck yelled out “Open the doors and drag your feet on the road! We don’t have breaks!” At first, we all thought he was kidding, but he wasn’t. So all of us did exactly what Chuck suggested, and we managed to stop the car before we encountered an upcoming intersection. As it turned out, the car was sitting in the yard because it was old and IT HAD NO BREAKS. But Chuck thought we could always stop it if he didn’t go too fast, so he decided not to mention the break issue to us for fear that we would not accompany him on this adventure. We cruised around another hour or so until our feet got sore. We also attracted a lot of feminine attention from the babes in the neighborhood that afternoon, and thus, we were stoked. In hindsight, it was probably not the best kind of attention. I don’t think the neighborhood chicks found our terrified screaming at every intersection too sexy.

One day my Falcon just quit running. It sat in my front yard for a couple of months after it died. Every now and then, I would charge the battery and try to start it, but it never would crank. That was pretty much the extent of my auto mechanics knowledge….”Dude, charge the battery.” I mentioned my car dilemma to a guy at work who had a brother-in-law with a tow truck and $50. I sold my Falcon to his brother-in-law the next day. I felt pretty good getting $50 for that old clunker, but then two days later, I heard that the guy had it purring like a kitten. Oh well, one man’s loss is another man’s gain.

I got another car a few months later. It was much nicer and easily broke 100 mph regardless of wind direction, but you never forget your first ride. See ya’ later &

Best Wishes,
Dr. JimBob